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Why I settled... What I learned.

Whether you’re afraid of failure, have a fear of being alone, scared of what people may say about you, tired of seeing ”happy campers” pass you by, or you deep down feel you arent worthy of more... we’ve all experienced being in this unfortunate state of mind where “settling“ seems like an option worth taking.

In my experience of observing this in family & friendships around me, there’s always one of the aforementioned factors at play. Also, in my own experience of settling, I found that I wasn’t truly content and/or satisfied with what I had chosen. It wasn’t one of those things you just learn to deal with & life goes on. For me, it haunted me day in & day out. Showing up in unexpected ways that would make me say “You know you have no business settling for this mess”. To be quite honest, if the resounding voice of my loved ones wasn’t so loud in my mind, and people reminding me of who I am, there would have been a few unfortunate settlements in my life (that’s why your friendship & family #tribe should be a strong one).

I remember being in a relationship where he was a guy that checked all the boxes & looked good on paper. “I would tell myself any woman would be lucky to have him... I’m just being picky” He was college educated, came from a 2 parent home, and was working in a stable career. However, there were so many things OFF paper that were definitely character flaws & in my right mind... they were deal breakers. I too, was not in the best condition to be in a relationship at the time. I decided to stay in the relationship far longer than I needed to. I also realized the longer I stayed the more damage I was doing and the whole I was digging got deeper & deeper. Here is the pivotol difference that I want to present to you for consideration for your own situations:

Do you love yourself enough to leave and do you actually trust God when he says he has better for you ahead?

Now, your initial answer to the question may be Yes! I love myself and Yes! I trust God. The contradiction lies in what your mouth says but what your actions do. When we truly begin to think about ourselves, Gods purpose for our lives, and our ability to have his best, we begin wrestling with the confidence to actually leave and move on with our lives. My friend Jas and I (Hey Jas!) had a really good conversation last night about this very topic. A conclusion we drew from our discussion is that everyone’s situation is different. We can only speak for ourselves. We can only protect ourselves. We can only love ourselves. Our decision not to settle in life is a tough road to travel when we see it all around us every day. However, it’s necessary to stay the course and build confidence on this issue if #peace is an ultimate goal for our lives.

Of course by now, we know there’s a great difference between having unrealistic standards verses settling. The main focus is to look at the person’s heart for God. Look at the person‘s heart for conflict resolution. Look at the person’s character and how they treat others. Look at the person‘s goals and vision for their own life. Most important, in my opinion, is the person’s ability to be selfless & sacrifice because that’s ultimately what Love is and what example Christ has given us.

I tend to be extremely hard on myself about matters where I should do better because I know better. Then I’m reminded by Gods word that no matter how old I get, no matter how many books I read and knowledge gained, I can never outrun my humanity, my flesh. I will always sin & fall short of God’s glory. The silver lining is in the repentance of my heart. The desire to do better and be better. All while striving to complete my purpose in this life.

God Bless you all and #HappySunday


Scriptures for the road

Romans 3:23 New Living Translation (NLT)

23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Philippians 3:13-14 New Living Translation (NLT)

13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[a] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

1 Samuel 16:7 New Living Translation (NLT)

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lordlooks at the heart.”



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