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My Life is Over


"An identity is ever changing from birth to death, but as each crisis is successfully resolved, commitment to an established identity becomes stronger (Evans, Forney, Guido, Patton, & Renn, 2010)"

Often times in our daily lives we have these experiences that we automatically assume the worse has happened and therefore believe that no good could ever come after that experience. We mentally and emotionally associate "The End" with every unfavorable experience. The reason being could be a few things. 1. You've never experienced anything remotely close. 2. You are unsure of the outcome and the fear of how your life is forever changed. 3. You feel inadequate, inferior, and/or completely embarrassed that your humiliation at the present moment outweighs anything that is to come after. This is what I like to call the "my life is over" feeling. When in actuality the honest truth is... your life isn't over at all, or at least does not have to be.

With every single crisis you endure, you are indeed a conquer. Although in the present moment it may feel that there is no way out.. there is ALWAYS a way out. There is never just one way to solve anything. This narrow minded way of thinking can land you in places you never thought you'd be and I don't mean in a good way. Understand that bad experiences are a part of life experiences. You are equipped to get through good and bad times. I know you may feel as though you're misunderstood, disliked, unappreciated and a number of things that can potentially bring you down. Remember that this is a moment.. and moments good or bad don't last forever. Have you ever heard of Hedonics? Hedonics is the study of how we feel from moment to moment and the dichotomy between pleasant and unpleasant. In the book " Authentic Happiness" Martin E.P Seligman, Ph.D writes "Feelings are states, momentary occurrences that need not be recurring features of personality."

Dear Students,

You are most certainly entitled to your feelings, views and opinions. However I urge you not to use this as a basis for rushed decision making which can sometimes result in outcomes you didn't originally desire or plan for. Know that everything you are experiencing or will experience will change your outlook on life. We as human beings are a representation of the experiences that we have been through which are the prerequisite to how we will handle future situations. So, No.. life is not over after that failed test, or class, or not getting into the institution of your dreams. Life is not over after he leaves you or she leaves you. Life is not over after you and your long standing group of friends dwindle down to just you. Life is not over when people are unwilling to accept you. Life is not over. You will get through it even if in the moment you don't feel you can. At the end of each experience just keep going, keep learning, and keep growing.

-Dean Felder

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